I’m up. I can’t sleep. At least I can watch stranger things. What’s so frustrating, though, is that tomorrow will be another washout. I thought I had something to knock me out but it looks like it’s some anti-depressant? Taking several weeks to work? What’s the use in that? I want bloody opiates and I want the immediately. We want them here…and we want them now, along with cake and fine wine.

I’ve had enough. I work hard when I’m awake enough, I’ve never had enough money, I’ve never been happy in my work and now where am I? Pushing 40, that’s what they say isn’t it “pushing 40”, pushing 40 and nothing much going on. I’d play my guitar more but I decided to spend months on this React course. I think it might have been worth it as long as I use it to retain knowledge and have it evolve. I’m just having a fit with my foot up. I was going to get pissed but I can’t. Not yet anyway. Plus I looked at the calories. Two cans of lager is equivalent of an entire, not low fat, dinner. Two! You’re better off drinking vodka. I wonder how fatty Jack Daniels is per bottle.

I’ve had enough. I get tired as hell but then can’t sleep or I can’t stop sleeping. Whinge whinge whinge whinge whinge.

Goal number one of all time is to learn the fucking guitar and learn it well enough to perform.

Goal number two…I am going to start the write up of the guitar changing app again. It’s going to be clearer, it’s going to make sense and it’s going to be sanctum again because I am not going through an entire course on node just yet.

I was hoping to do half of the revision module tomorrow, the first one of two, but I don’t think I’ll be awake enough. I’ll be dizzy. Dizzy as hell.

I’ll go and watch stranger things and think about what I want out of life. The trouble is, to do anything, you have make money so there…BAM…then you don’t have the energy or time to do anything with your life because you’re too busy working. Society plans our lives like this! There should be a place where people can just hang out, grow food and get high or drink and not live with expensive shit, just live. Maybe there are places like this.

I’m going.



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Dutch Steak

Dutch Steak


A coder, a rambler...and now wondering if maybe design and actual art, very different, should form my future...